Its been my third post on my first day as a new blogger on wordpress, and I have got to say I honestly am either that bored, or completely have no life at all. I would claim the later to be true. Today was a crazy day and not in a good way. Today was the day I told myself it’s time to get yourself out there and meet new people, make new friends! I guess it never dawns on me how hard that truly is. Especially for a girl like me, who can barely say two words without stuttering and making a complete fool of herself. I mean can anyone out there agree with me? The funny thing is growing up I never seemed to have a problem being able to socialize with people effortlessly, I was the class clown if you will, and everyone wanted to be my friend for some apparent reason, but it didn’t take long for my self esteem to drop by a mile stone, and all sense of socializing had stopped. To be fair a lot has happened in my life that I can say contributed to that ; Bullying played a crucial part in my life since I was very young, either I always looked like a ‘boy’ to people, which to be honest has never been in insult to me now looking back at it, but for a six year old girl who was trying to get used to being at school without her family – it was a lot to take in. I was “too skinny or too fat” “too tomboyish” “ugly” “weird” and it later made me hate myself. I couldn’t be around anyone without thinking that they were talking bad about me, or laughing at me. To this day I find myself avoiding social situations for fear of judgement, and each day I try to tell myself that I am a strong independent woman who does her best to be as confident as possible, because we socially awkward peeps, the “weirdos”, the unique people are worth much more than peoples opinion and deserve to be happy. Today, as I walked through a crowd of people at a party, I did my best to avoid making small talk and being able to carry a good conversation (something I’m very bad at.) Most people failed at it, and some did very good at keeping the conversation flowing, at the end of the day I walked away with some numbers from people I would hope to get to know in the future, and hopefully build close friendships with, but only time will tell.
What about you? What would you classify your personality and social life to be like. Tell me in the comments below, and if you have any stories of embarrassing times you tried to make friends tell me down below!
Tata for now
-Jess x 🙂